I want independence, but sometimes I want somebody to tell me what to do. I am excited for what’s to come, but I am afraid of what the future holds. I want to take action, but I don’t know where to start.
These contradictions describe inner turmoil, the mental and emotional conflict that occurs when values, fears, and hard choices pull your mind in different directions.
Teenagers can experience this state particularly strongly compared to adults, because they are at a point in their life where they face big decisions and changes. Assignments and exams, self-doubt, stress for the future, and feeling pressured to have it all figured out can be very overwhelming. It is easy to feel lost or alone when you’re experiencing inner turmoil, but it’s common and something everyone goes through.
Being a teenager is especially conflicting. In high school, there’s a lot of pressure to figure out what you want your life to look like after graduation. Between grades, extracurriculars, volunteer work, part-time jobs, and so much more, the pressure to achieve your goals can feel very overwhelming. There is also a strange pressure to make the most out of your high school years. You see people going out, partying, hanging out in big friend groups, and seemingly having the perfect high school experience. Sometimes it can make you wonder if you should be doing the same. At the same time, a voice in your head reminds you that grades matter, deadlines are approaching, and university is only a couple of years away.
What can inner turmoil look like?
Inner turmoil can look different for every person. Some feelings that one experiencing inner turmoil may have include:
- Second-guessing yourself
- Being indecisive
- Feeling like you should be doing more
- Not knowing exactly why you are upset
- Comparing yourself to others
Someone can appear completely fine on the outside while experiencing a lot of inner conflict.
How to deal with inner turmoil:
Inner conflict is inevitable. Dealing with inner conflict and making tough decisions doesn’t always have an easy fix; sometimes all you can do is lay out the problem and do your best to choose what aligns best with you. That being said, there are things you can do to help break down the conflict and resolve the issue. Here are some tips for dealing with inner turmoil and making difficult decisions.
Name the conflict. Try to figure out what exactly you are torn between. This is often easier said than done. I recommend making a pros and cons list; though not always applicable, it helps break down the decision and lay out different scenarios.
Break away from the emotional factor. Depending on the situation, detaching from emotional noise is important for making logical choices. Pretend your best friend is going through the same thing as you. Think about what advice you would give to them.
Write it out. Writing your feelings and conflicts in a journal can help make them feel less intimidating. Often, when you write out everything you are stressed about, you’ll realize it wasn’t as bad as you thought. When you understand every angle of the problem, you can start to pick it apart and figure out what to do to resolve it.
Talk to someone. Reaching out to someone when you are struggling is the most important thing. Whether it’s a friend, a family member, a counsellor,or a teacher, someone will always be willing to listen and help. You don’t have to navigate stress alone, and having someone to talk to for support can go a long way.
Finding balance. When conflicted between two contradictions, you don’t always have to sit on one side of the fence. Sometimes you may realize that you are excited for change, but you may also acknowledge that it is scary at the same time. Both can be true. Managing worry and stress can help alleviate the pressure of growing up and help you enjoy the journey without rushing to the future.
Thank you for reading today’s post. I hope you enjoyed it. Let me know in the comments if there is anything you would like to see next!
